Jesus?

Original post: July 16, 2005

I had a thought last night. What if this Jesus fellow was a real person, but it didn't quite happen like that. Get this: Mary gets knocked up by some bloke down the street. Joseph's got no idea, so she makes up this cockamamie story about how she's a pregnant virgin, and the child is the messiah. She was a classically trained actress, so she could tell Joseph all that with a straight face, right? He believed every word, because he had no other story to go off of. He didn't even know the guy down the street. So, she has the kid, and they name him Jesus Christ, which in Aramaic means "I hit my thumb with a hammer!" The story gets told to him about how he's the son of God and he goes off to preach his "religion" to the masses.

Okay, so I haven't gotten the whole thing worked out, like the miracles he performed, (he gave everyone acid beforehand? he was also a classically trained actor, so they'd believe anything?) and the Easter resurrection, (grave-robbers? stalker-fanatic came and stole the body?). I'll get to them another day.