Last night, I escorted Kate out to the movies to see Juno and while on the way there I brought up the fact that I would not be able to buy a guitar with my tax refund as orginally planned, due to the fact that my tires keep deflating on me, and I shall have to purchase new ones. Safety first, I guess. I had told her that I was going to teach myself, and hope that it would help me get women, and she said it probably would.
After I told her I couldn't become a guitar god quite yet, it spurred another discussion. Kate said that she was talking with someone (her mom, I think. She'll have to correct me if I'm wrong) about what makes someone sexy. The main thing that they came up with is confidence.
Okay, I get that, but how much confidence? There's a very fine line between not confident enough ("Hi, I'm too shy to really talk to you, so I'm gonna sit in the corner and pretend like I'm not really here.") and too confident ("Hey, gorgeous. My penis is massive. Wanna touch it?") It would seem that girls want something that's right in between, and it's very difficult to pull that off.
So, I ask Kate, "Okay, then how does one show confidence in oneself and one's abilities without coming off like an egotistical asshole? You gotta be able to toot your own proverbial horn every once in a while, but if you do, you sound like you think you're better than everyone else."
That was followed by a long silence. Kate thought hard about it, and said, "Well, being passionate about something. Like, having strong opinions on things works."
Ah, but there's another snag. There is also a fine line between passion and obsession. You either have strong feelings for something or you have feelings that are too strong for something.
And I think that is another crux in my troubles. I don't have strong opinions about anything. I'm the type of person that wants to avoid confrontation at any cost. And yes, I think that includes talking to women as well. It also stems from that, too. Ever since I got out of high school, I haven't found anyone that likes me for the person I am. Why? Because I don't show enough confidence. But why do I not have enough confidence? Because I keep getting burned all the time. But, I keep getting burned because of the lack of confidence. It's a vicious Goddamn circle, and it's really hard to break from it.
Lately, I've even tried just being myself around people and not trying to impress them. People have told me that works, so I'll give it a shot. The problem with that is, if I act like I normally do, how are girls supposed to know I'm interested in them? I don't talk unless I have something funny to say, or if someone asks me a direct question. None of that correlates into the phrase, "Hey, I like you." If I'm not showing interest in someone, why should they show any interest back? Not that they do in any case. In any normal situation, I come across as hating everyone (which isn't true, really) and that's a bad image if you're trying to get dates.
Nobody's interested in me, and do you know why? Because they're all taken. That's right, I've only met about five single females in the past six and a half years. That's only an estimation, but it's probably close to correct. And out of those five single females, you know how many showed interest in me, even when I was trying? Zero. Zilch. Zippo. None. Nil. Nada. I mean, seriously, who would want to date a bank teller who's into sci-fi and can't get laid to save his life? He sounds like a real catch! It's too bad that he'd be the best person to spend the rest of your life with, but you're not gonna take the time to find that out. You're just gonna sit on your throne, high above everyone else, looking down your nose at me, like you're better than I am. You know something, princess? You're not. Everyone only thinks so highly of you because you put out. That's right. I said it. Your real name is Skanky McWhorebag. You may make more money than I do and have more friends, but I've got moral standards!
..........................
Anyway, nobody likes me for who I am. At least, not those who aren't already my friends. Now I think I see why I have such problems meeting women, or even making new friends. I do sound like a pretentious prick sometimes, but that's just to cover up my insecurities inside. I love my friends to death, but if I only talk to them, I'm never going to meet anyone new. Unfortunately, I just don't see how being my normal self is going to impress anyone into wanting to be my friend, let alone a love interest. I'm a nice, funny, handsome guy. Who wants that? It's boring. Well, that's only when I'm trying to make an impression. Otherwise, I'm sarcastic and self-deprivating. There's an awesome combination! No wonder nobody likes me.
Post-script: That rant wasn't about anyone in real life. I think I made her up, so nobody get mad at me, okay?
No comments:
Post a Comment