Harry Potter spoilers. Or are they...?

Original post: July 22, 2007

Originally, I didn't understand why people would take something that others enjoyed, no matter how nerdy it may be, and proceed to ruin it for them. I was seriously thinking that Zach was going to find something on the internet and totally give away the ending. The only things I got were, "Did you get to the part where Harry gets laid, yet?" and, "Dude, Dumbledore dies." Obviously, both are inaccurate; Dumbledore is already dead, and J.K. Rowling most likely wouldn't delve into the birds and the bees as they occur in the wizarding world. I guess I was lucky.

I was up until 3:30 last night to finish it. When I got up later that morning, I realized Kate was with Dan at his cousin's house for the weekend. She probably hadn't gotten a chance to even skim a copy yet.

The Devil Ian popped up on my shoulder.
"Go ahead. Just a small little detail. She's gonna read it, anyway."

The Angel Ian appeared on the other.
"I don't agree with that. You yourself didn't want anyone to spoil it for you."

"Well, then, just lie. Tell her something that COULD happen, but ultimately doesn't."

"I'm not condoning this course of action, but if you must..."

That's when I sent the first text message.
"Dumbledore dies... Again."
"?!?! Wha...? Please don't spoil anything to me. I haven't even held my copy yet."
"I'm lying. Relax. People can't die twice, not even wizards."
"Haha true... but there was this fleeting hope... siiiigh... Dumbledore..."

And I left it at that, until Ralph and I went to Don Pablo's. We discussed some of it (he's only on Chapter Eight) and he gave some speculation about where it was going. On the way back, I told him about what I told Kate, and he decided he should do that, to.

"Did you read Harry Potter? I just got to the part where Dumbledore dies again."

Then, we discussed the langauge in the book, which was harsher than books past. That's when we started messaging her simultaneously with things that could never possibly happen. Ralph's included things about Harry hooking up with Draco, and Voldemort dying from AIDS in the end (to which my dad replied, "That's what he gets for putting his wand where it doesn't belong.") Kate and I had this to say:

"You should see the last page where Harry tells Voldemort to fuck off..."
"You're full of shit. Are you and Ralph hanging out? haha"
"No. Why?"
"Cuz he's txting me about Dumbledore dying & other crap. 'Did you read Harry Potter? I just got to the part where Dumbledore dies again.'"
"Oh, that's funny. You should see when Harry saves his parents by getting the Delorean and going back to kill Voldemort."
"HAHAHA! I can't wait."
"You think that's exciting, wait until (name withheld) dies. It's spectacular. Very graphic."
"Okay, okay... I'm done with this."
"Wait, I didn't tell you about Hogwarts transforming into Optimus Prime!"

I think she turned off her phone. Neither Ralph nor myself heard from her again. That was a good time, though. It's been a while since I laughed that hard at something. Now I see the fun in it, even though I didn't give away anything real. And yes, Kate, every word of it was a lie. Just so you know.