A rambling, incoherent response.

Original post: November 14, 2007

I've had two different people in the past two days ask me for an update about the girl in my blog, so I guess I'll have to write one.

After the events that took place in my last entry, I had invited her to the Halloween bash we had at my house (an excellent time, by the way. If you weren't there, you should've been, loser). She stated that it was her boyfriend's birthday that weekend, so she'd have to be with him. However, he only gets off from work one day a week. If it was Friday, she was going to skip the concert (the one we went to buy tickets for that day, but she decided not to until she knew about this) and hang out with him, then come to the bash on Saturday. But, if he was off Saturday, she'd go to the concert and hang out with him Saturday. Then, she made it sound as if she was going to show up anyway. Asking what time it started, stringing me along. I didn't get my hopes up, though. If she came by, great! If not, no big deal. She didn't show, of course.

Days passed and I didn't hear from her or try to contact her. I really didn't feel like it. I still don't, actually. The only thing I remember asking her was where a good place to get a tattoo is, but I really don't know if that was during the week of the party or after.

Since I've had people questioning me about it, I've gotten to thinking. I'm pretty sure I know why I go so crazy over her. She's the only person in six years to show any interest in me. Granted, it's a kind of shitty way to show interest, but it's interest nonetheless. I just want to be able to hold onto that as long as possible, because it's few and far between for me. One of the people who asked me about it said I shouldn't give up on finding someone. I'm a nice guy and there's someone waiting for me somewhere. Yeah, but do you know how frustrating it is to go six years with absolutely nothing, while all your friends are hooking up, getting married, having children?! I said in a bulletin the other day that my problem isn't that all the good ones are taken. They are, but that's not all of my anger. Even the bad ones are taken. That just leaves me with the creeps in between who, ultimately, don't want me either. I'm left to conclude that, yes, there is nobody for me, and I should just get used to it. I have a cousin in his fifties who's never been married, and he seems to be all right.

Truthfully, though, I'm tired of being alone. When I go out with friends, I'm always the third-, fifth-, sometimes seventh-wheel. I hate odd numbers. I always feel so awkward about it, too. Seriously, it's nice to see my friends, but I don't really want to be intruding on your date. I might feel better if it was a double, but unfortunately, it won't be a double. Ever.

Now that I think about it, I've had a few "dates." I put them in quotes because I don't count them. I had a blind date that some friends set me up on, but I screwed that up. I called her a couple days later after 10:00 pm 'cause I was working nights and she thought I was weird. Whatever. Eff her.

I went out a couple times with someone I met at Boyd's one night, but that ended tragically. She spent two separate occasions in jail while I was talking to her. One for unpaid traffic tickets, and the other for assault (she broke her aunt's nose). Needless to say, I avoided her like the Plague after that.

Lastly, the girl from the blog will say that the evening we spent together in March qualifies as a date, because we had dinner and a movie. We went to the pizza place a block from my house, (which she paid for) then we watched Zathura on cable. Then, we were both too nervous to go in for the kiss. That does not count.

So, yes, I'm hopeless. There's not much more I can say than that. I'm hopeless. I'm hopeless and lonely. Bad combination. I don't even know where I'd go to find someone. I've had suggestions. Bars: No. Picking up someone who probably won't remember who you are in the morning is not my cup of tea. Clubs: I don't dance. Conventions: (yes, someone told me this) I like Star Wars as much as the next nerd, but going to those things gives me the creeps. Plus, have you seen the people at those conventions? God-awful, ugly fat hags. Starbuck's: I don't drink coffee. Plus, they all would think they're better than me.

I'm at a loss for words.

The end.

Random thought of the day:
You know what word I really like? Vagabond.