Ian's Blog, Scene 42, Take 2.

Original post: March 26, 2006

This is actually my second attempt at this. After I forgot to title it the first time, I tried to edit it and found half of it gone. Disappeared into the vast sea that is Cyberspace.

The Drive-thru window is the American ideal of quick, easy service. For customers, this is true. As a banker who works one, I've found that the drive-thru is an annoyance. A few examples would be:

A) Working the Drive-thru window on Saturdays. I don't mind so much during the week. Those are all people who have legitimate banking business. One or two quick transactions and they're done. Two minutes, tops. On the weekends, we're the only morons who have to get up for work, so all the people that were busy during the week come out then to annoy me. And they all appear to be in a hurry. I'm going as fast as I can. Stop staring at me.

B) People who have all the things they need to do the transaction (cash, check, deposit slip, PEN...) but they still wait until they pull up to the window to sign their check and fill out the deposit slip. Hey, asshole. This is supposed to be a quick convenience for you people. You're wasting everyone's time. Finish it before you get to the window. You've been waiting in line for five minutes. Use that time wisely.

C) The mad rush of people who show up when we're about to close. We've been open for 6 hours. We don't want to stay here any longer than you would want to stay at your job. If you know we close at 3:00, come at 2:30. Better yet, don't come at all. I don't want to see you anyway. If the sign says "Closed," don't come up to the window and ask if we are closed. The sign says we are. Also, if you know it's going to snow, don't wait until it starts before you think, "Hey, I need some money so I can get bread, milk and eggs." Does everyone make French Toast during a snowstorm? I digress...

D) Along those same lines, the people who wait at the window before we're even open. You do not exist until 8:00. I do not want to look at your ugly mug as I set up for the day. You know when we open. Learn to respect our rules.

E) People who have no physical handicap that insist on using our walk-up window when the lobby is open. You can walk to the window, but you can't walk up ten steps to come inside (where it's warmer and there are less customers, I might add). Don't be lazy. Because you've decided that you can't brave the adventure that is climbing some stairs, I now have to worry about two lines instead of one. You see, even though there is a computer terminal specifically for that window, there is only one person scheduled to work down there. I am now forced to work twice as hard because of you and your laziness. Thanks.

Editor's note: This did not turn out as well as the first draft. I hate the fucking internet.