Running for President

Cheri came up with this idea the other day and I decided we should run for President with it as our platform. I'm not sure she agrees with me.

Anyway, we're gonna run for Co-President. We'll share the office. Our whole big thing is we're going to implement a new system of employment. If you're out somewhere, and you see someone who is not doing their job well at all, you get to take their job. At first, just for a week, to see if you can do better than they were doing. And you can't just go in to a random place and claim that they're fucking up just to get a job. You have to provide proof in some fashion so that it's justified. If you don't succeed, no harm done, that person gets to keep their job until someone else catches them being stupid. But if you do a better job, you get to keep it and they're out on their ass. It would completely streamline how the world works, after the initial chaos of course. Only snag I can see is Cheri and I would make terrible Co-Presidents. We would make it into office, implement the plan, then immediately get our jobs taken by someone else.

The Boy Who Cried Birthday

Cheri and I went to TGI Friday's for dinner last night. As we ate, someone was having a birthday and the staff got together to sing and dance for them. That's not unusual. I really wanted to just pick a random table, tell the waitress we knew them and that it was their birthday, then watch the diner be confused as people started singing and giving them pastries. Small catch: they'd expect me to pay for the dessert. Then I had an even better idea. If I worked at one of these restaurants, I would pay five bucks or whatever to get a dessert, then gather everyone together to sing for random tables, birthday or not. I can't get in trouble: the dessert is paid for, and everyone would have to do it, because they'll get in trouble if they don't. Yes, everyone would hate me, but it would be so worth it. If I do it long enough, I'll find someone else who would enjoy it as much as I do, and we'll be BFFs. Plus they'd split the price with me, and that's savings everyone can enjoy.

Sizes

Businesses need to stop listing Medium as the smallest size on their menus. The definition of "medium" is "something intermediate in nature or degree." If there's nothing before it, it can't be called medium.

Alphabet

As far as I'm concerned, it should be called "Double-Vee" not "Double-You"

Candy

Lollipops are called Lollipops. Not "Taffies". They're not made of taffy, look like taffy, or have any of the general qualities that make taffy what it is. Please stop confusing me with your incorrect noun usage.

Also, they're sprinkles, not jimmies. They're called such because you sprinkle them on top of things. Have you ever heard of someone jimmying something on top of ice cream?