Ridiculous Questions

How Much Money Do You Have in Your Pockets?
$0.00 but I have plenty of money on my debit card.

What is the funniest Text on your phone right now?
Someone just nearly shit their pants when I said Dragon Ball is awful. My day is complete.

Have you ever pretended to be someone else on the phone?
I called the Hooked on Phonics number once as Arnold Schwarzenegger. They didn't believe me. Also, when I was in Disney World, a few of us pretended we were British and went up to one of the video Information Booths. We positioned ourselves so that Epcot Center was directly behind us, visible to the lady on camera, and we kept asking her "where the giant golfball is." After a few minutes, one of us turned around dramatically and went, "Oh, there it is!"

What happens when you hit a ninja with a car?
I would never know. That scenario can only happen in an alternate universe in which ninjas are lame and can be killed by cars.

If you could have chosen your own name what would it be?
Steve? I don't know. I'm just sick of people not paying enough attention when I tell them, or when they read it, to still pronounce it wrong. I had a customer at Farmers and Mechanics who looked directly at my nameplate and called me Ivan. I didn't care enough anymore to correct her, so I was Ivan forever more.

If you could only have one type of sandwich for the rest of your life what would it be?
The Illiterate Deli next door to my work used to make a ham sandwich called the Hamster. Nowadays they suck and are making zero good sandwiches. I think they're going out of business.

Anything else I should know?
I would love to become a Ghost Hunter, but I would probably pee myself if I was confronted by an actual ghost.